Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Too much gin, very little bucket
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
