I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
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