The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
