Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
