Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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