in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
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just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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