did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I will die if light touches me.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
