So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
