oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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