I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
