ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
