yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
