I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
