I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Randomize
