Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
