The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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