I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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