i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
Randomize
