my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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