we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
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