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im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
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