Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Randomize
