You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
cat food counts as protein by the way
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.