im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.