Texts From Last Night

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  (612): View more from Minnesota

  I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.

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  (612): I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling. http://tfl.nu/2ybr
  Replies (8) Good night (4379) Bad night (510)
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  (917): View more from New York City

  under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift

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  (917): under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift http://tfl.nu/rkcx
  Replies (52) Good night (5895) Bad night (1989)
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  (606): View more from Kentucky

  All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers

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  (606): All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers http://tfl.nu/uhar
  Replies (14) Good night (3815) Bad night (1288)
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  (954): View more from Florida

  I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"

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  (954): I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!" http://tfl.nu/pxgz
  Replies (9) Good night (2779) Bad night (1297)
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  (443): View more from Maryland

  Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.

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  (443): Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed. http://tfl.nu/vazj
  Replies (8) Good night (2360) Bad night (1072)
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  (614): View more from Ohio

  I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar

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  (614): I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar http://tfl.nu/g47h
  Replies (7) Good night (1905) Bad night (1257)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!

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  (406): There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go! http://tfl.nu/765a
  Replies (9) Good night (2685) Bad night (866)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.

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  (480): We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her. http://tfl.nu/hua5
  Replies (5) Good night (2796) Bad night (634)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.

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  (+44): I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles. http://tfl.nu/lwcx
  Replies (5) Good night (3195) Bad night (798)
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  (801): View more from Utah

  I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.

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  (801): I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped. http://tfl.nu/dgi2
  Replies (10) Good night (1676) Bad night (733)
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  (719): View more from Colorado

  Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.

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  (719): Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could. http://tfl.nu/sgv5
  Replies (3) Good night (926) Bad night (659)
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  (224): View more from Illinois

  Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...

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  (224): Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex... http://tfl.nu/9y7e
  Replies (6) Good night (744) Bad night (1041)
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  (918): View more from Oklahoma

  I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol

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  (918): I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol http://tfl.nu/o8ad
  Replies (2) Good night (595) Bad night (312)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...

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  (647): Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but... http://tfl.nu/6fcg
  Replies (0) Good night (449) Bad night (274)
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  (726): View more from

  Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.

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  (726): Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen. http://tfl.nu/potb
  Replies (5) Good night (617) Bad night (240)

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