shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
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She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
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Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store