I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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