Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
