I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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