I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Randomize
