What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
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