I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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