make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
