i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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