Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
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