the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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