he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
