Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
3pm strippers are depressing
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Randomize
