you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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