Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
