one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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