Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
