yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
It's never too late to be topless.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
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