I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
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First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
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I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night