He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
THAT is your concern right now?
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!