I'm so fucking centered right now
Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
