I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
