I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
