Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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