someone threw a dead crab at me
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
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