got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Randomize
