There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
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