We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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