Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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