dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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