my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
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