Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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