Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
