Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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