My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
Will exercising make me less horny?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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