You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
