you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Randomize
