I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
