I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
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I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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