I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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