I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Your penis caused this!
Randomize
