she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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