can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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