i already hear my dad disowning me
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
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