It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I just blew my weed a kiss
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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