the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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