I think im going to throw up on grandma
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
