sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
They are going to name an STD after you.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Randomize
