I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
