if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
