1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Randomize
